Now that we can text to have meals delivered by anonymous drivers, arrange a date on Tinder and have meetings on Zoom, we can go for days without seeing anyone face to face. But social scientists are concerned that, rather than this convenience helping us, it is causing us to become estranged from one another.
Human beings are by definition social beings, they say, and the reason our brains have evolved to be bigger than those of the apes is precisely because we share emotions and ideas, and we co-operate on projects. We are wired for connection.
Feeling lonely — not just the fact of being alone, but feeling cut off from other people and sad and helpless — is disastrous for our physical health. A landmark study — published in 2010 and led by neuroscience and psychology professor Julianne Holt-Lunstad of Brigham Young University in Utah, US — found that, more even than diet and exercise, having good relationships is vital for healthy ageing and a long life.
The study, called “Social Relationships and Mortality Risk: A Meta-analytic Review”, found that people with strong social relationships were 50% less likely to die prematurely, and that the effect of lacking social connection on reducing lifespan was equal to smoking 15 cigarettes a day, and greater than the risk associated with obesity, excess alcohol consumption and lack of exercise.
“These findings indicate that the influence of social relationships on the risk of death are comparable with well-established risk factors for mortality such as smoking and alcohol consumption, and exceed the influence of other risk factors such as physical inactivity and obesity,” the study says.
Some people are better at being alone than others, but this study suggests that if you do not have a close friend and confidant with whom you can share your innermost feelings, your chances of living a healthy life to a ripe old age are diminished.
Many callers are stressed about a combination of issues including the spread of Covid-19, finances, relationship problems, job security, grief, gender-based violence and trauma.
— Sadag
With regard to social isolation, SA’s lockdown to curb the spread of Covid-19 is clearly coming at a high price. The SA Depression and Anxiety Group (Sadag) says it has been receiving more calls since the start of lockdown. “Many callers are stressed about a combination of issues including the spread of Covid-19, finances, relationship problems, job security, grief, gender-based violence and trauma.”
A study Sadag did recently found that 16% of respondents lived alone.
Dr Mvuyiso Talatala, a specialist psychiatrist at the Dr SK Matseke Memorial Hospital in Soweto, says he has noticed that some of his patients are relapsing. “Those with a mental illness condition are likely to worsen. This self-imposed social isolation during the Covid-19 pandemic has meant that we even stop going to places of entertainment and places of worship and spiritual upliftment. When loved ones die, we cannot interact and support each other as we would have normally done. Grief is likely to be more painful and lead to mental illness.
“If one feels sad and lonely, or feels one is developing features of mental illness, one should consult a mental health-care worker such as a psychologist, social worker or a psychiatrist. Virtual consultations are also possible nowadays. Those who are on treatment for any psychiatric disorder should not default treatment because of fear of Covid. Psychiatric services remain open in both the public and the private sector,” he says.
A feeling of loneliness is bad for the heart. A 2016 study, published in the journal Heart and led by Newcastle University epidemiologist Dr Nicole Valtorta, linked loneliness to a 30% increase in risk of stroke or the development of coronary heart disease. “Lacking encouragement from family or friends, those who are lonely may slide into unhealthy habits. In addition, loneliness has been found to raise levels of stress, impede sleep and, in turn, harm the body. Loneliness can also augment depression or anxiety.”
Social commentators and even politicians routinely call for more cohesion among people, for us to emphasise our common humanity and not our differences. Yet, as we contemplate an existence where human contact is less essential and many live behind high walls and in their cars, we risk alienation from one another.
However, in his book, Together, published in March, Vivek Murthy, a former US surgeon-general, says there is a stigma to being lonely, and many who find themselves in this situation experience a kind of shame that prevents them from reaching out to others. They try to tough it out in solitude rather than admit they need someone to talk to or help them with something, and this can lead to self-neglect and even suicide.
Murthy says the reasons for the increase in loneliness globally include changes in the family structure, with many children living far from parents; the growth of social media, with its posing and “comparison culture”; our focus on work and achievement; and the continuing move to suburbia.
In many of SA’s cities, notably Johannesburg and eThekwini, a vibrant CBD has been replaced by impersonal shopping malls dominated by retail chains. The mom ’n pop shops are missed not just for the goods they sold, but the opportunity they gave for chat, bumping into friends and meeting people.
In addition, in countries with a history of conflict, such as SA, there is higher distrust among citizens, making us less likely to start up a spontaneous conversation or friendship.
A growing concern worldwide is the increasing loneliness among elderly people. Lockdown has added to the strain for many who live in retirement homes, with some centres simply closed to visitors, even close family. Perhaps due to having a bigger budget, Evergreen Lifestyle, which has seven retirement villages countrywide, has set some measures in place to counteract the effects of isolation during lockdown.
According to marketing manager Prieshka Taylor, the staff do regular updates on Covid-19, assist with home exercises, and deliver books and crossword puzzles to residents. They make video calls, update their families and do shopping for the residents. “A counselling hotline has been established, and volunteers have been brought in to do daily check-in telephone calls to residents needing support to combat loneliness, isolation and possible mood disorders,” she says.
“One of the building blocks of our villages is a sense of community, and we are working hard at this because it’s not psychologically healthy for our residents to be so isolated. With exercise options opening up, we’ve scheduled times to accommodate groups of residents who can walk in the grounds without being in close contact with neighbours or staff.”
Being proactive about socialising helps. Pamela Wood, 92, a resident of Johannesburg’s Sunrise Estate retirement village, says she does feel the effects of the isolation, but “it helps to keep busy. I invite a friend over for lunch on Sunday, and meet my pals here once a week to play bridge and Rummikub.”
Wood also made it through the Blitz in the UK during World War 2, and this no doubt honed her survival skills.
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