Around this time of the year many of us are taking resolutions: to do more exercise, quit smoking, drink less, stop eating meat, lose weight. Sadly, most of us won’t succeed. Research shows that fewer than 50% of people who take a New Year’s resolution will have stuck to it three months in.
In these unpredictable times, should we then not bother to make any resolutions? It still seems if you want to change something, New Year is the time to do it, giving you some added oomph to succeed.
Experts say success depends on how you do it. Eating whatever you like or smoking 30 a day and then hoping to stop and go cold turkey in the new year will probably not work; changing behaviour over the long term is a more complicated process, and involves more than sheer white-knuckling or willpower.
The belief persists that it is willpower that helps us change. For example, most of the participants in the 1989 study “The resolution solution: longitudinal examination of New Year’s change attempts”, cited a lack of willpower as the reason they gave up on their New Year’s resolutions. The research, which was undertaken by doctors John Norcross and Dominic Vangarelli of the psychology department at the University of Scranton in the US and published in the Journal of Substance Abuse, followed 200 people who had made New Year’s pledges. It found that while 77% of people were able to maintain their resolutions for only one week, 43% stuck with them for three months. But only 19% were still maintaining their new behaviour two years later.
It’s clear that simply desperately desiring a particular outcome is not enough to achieve it
What differentiated the fortunate 19% from the 77% who managed only a week? The researchers say that, early on in their attempts to abstain, the resolvers were able to resist temptation by limiting access to their trigger (whether food or substance or lying on the couch watching TV); applying willpower; and giving themselves rewards. But later on, past the six-month mark, their human support systems and relationships began to play a dominant role.
It’s clear that simply desperately desiring a particular outcome is not enough to achieve it. It seems that, like a baby learning to walk, when it comes to new behaviour, adults have to take baby steps. A helpful guide, a support rail and some cheering spectators will also help the process.
You would think that Microsoft founder and philanthropist Bill Gates, placed usually at between the fourth and fifth richest person in the world, would have a long and tough list of resolutions at the beginning of each year to keep him on track. Surprisingly, he says in his GatesNotes blog of December 7 2021: “I’ve never been a big New Year’s resolution person.” Then after outlining his plans for dealing with the planet’s hottest global issues, from artificial intelligence to vaccine inequality and climate change, he states: “I don’t have any specific goal in mind for 2022 … But what I do hope is that next year is a lot more settled than this one.”
This seems deceptively general for a stratospherically high achiever. And maybe it’s because Gates too senses that the new normal means we have to give ourselves a break or we will break: “Human beings are naturally resistant to change. Whether it’s the massive global upheaval of the last two years or transitions closer to home, it’s never easy to adjust to new ways of living,” he continues.
“I think 2022 will be a year when many of us finally settle into a post-pandemic new normal. For me, that will mean going into the office a bit more as Covid cases hopefully go down. I want to find a new rhythm at home now that all three of my kids have moved away and my day isn’t as structured around finding time to spend with them. I’m looking forward to spending more time engaging with people through my blog and other channels. I’d like to keep up my Covid-era habit of watching lots of educational videos on YouTube and subscription services like Wondrium, because they’re a really great way to learn about obscure topics. (I now know more about glassmaking, birdwatching, and the history of American Samoa than I ever expected.)”
Certainly, having more money than Mansa Musa gives Gates more leisure time than those of us still on the lower rungs of the wealth ladder. But it is a more subtle question, involving really assessing where you are overdoing it and where you can add in a bit of quality life, and listening to your gut instinct. So says Johannesburg life coach Judy Klipin, whose clients include senior corporate executives:
“Every New Year’s Eve most of us set some hastily identified resolutions. They usually have to do with self-improvement (go to gym, study further), self-esteem (lose weight, wear matching underwear) or self-actualisation (learn a new skill, find love). And they usually fall by the wayside a few weeks (or sometimes days) after the new year has started. Only to be resurrected next December,” she says.
“Why do we keep resolving to do things that we don’t achieve? And, more importantly, why don’t we achieve those resolutions? We are quick to tell ourselves that we don’t achieve our goals because we sabotage ourselves, but I have this theory that what looks like self-sabotage is actually self-rescue. I truly believe that our true, essential self knows what is good for us and makes unconscious decisions in our best interests.
“So it may seem that we are sabotaging ourselves by eating those carbs, or by missing spinning classes at the crack of every dawn, when the truth might be that we are actually saving ourselves from a life of grumpiness, deprivation, boredom and stiff thighs. Of course, we do sabotage ourselves sometimes, but I think it looks very different to how we expect it to look. I think self-sabotage looks like working too hard, not eating properly, not getting enough sleep and various other ways we try to do too much and take care of ourselves too little. The paradox is that we judge ourselves negatively for not pushing ourselves hard enough, rather than for pushing ourselves too hard.
“If we want to achieve the resolutions we set for ourselves, we need to choose resolutions that we really do — truly, madly, deeply — want to achieve, rather than setting resolutions that we think we should want to achieve. We need to set true goals if we want to achieve them.”
10 tips for setting achievable New Year’s resolutions
They should be tangible and right for you: not for someone else, or because someone else thinks they are right for you.
Unambivalent: You must have no mixed feelings about the goal itself, or the achievement thereof.
Essential self-aligned: The goal must be a reflection of the desires of your essential self rather than your social self.
Specific: You have a greater chance of achieving “drink eight glasses of water and eat three pieces of fruit every day, and go for a walk with a friend four times a week” than “get a bikini body because my friends are all slim and toned and I am not”.
Lower your expectations: Not for yourself, but of yourself. Give yourself a break and show yourself some compassion when you struggle or slip up.
Break down your tasks into their smallest possible parts — the tinier the action, the more achievable.
Celebrate your wins. We have a horrible habit of looking towards the finish line and forget to notice and celebrate all the milestones we are passing along the way.
Ask for help. We all need to be looking for ways to make things easier and more enjoyable. Asking for help from a friend, a trainer or a mentor helps to build accountability, create a community and make achieving your goal less of a grudge. It doesn’t just make achieving the goal more likely, it can also make it a lot more fun.
Slow down to speed up. Make time to get quiet every day so you can make mindful choices from a place of peace and calm.
Finally, says Klipin: “While you are working towards achieving these goals, please remember to be compassionate towards yourself. Everyone has had two years of hardship, struggle and strife.”
Would you like to comment on this article?
Sign up (it's quick and free) or sign in now.
Please read our Comment Policy before commenting.