Q: Didn’t Arnie say there are three things certain in life: death, taxes and squats? Why do I think about this when I watch my father trying to get out of his chair?
It certainly looks like something Arnold Schwarzenegger would have said but it would appear, sadly, that he did not. It may well be an urban legend but that does not change the truth of the statement.
What did Arnie really say about squats? “I do squats until I fall over and pass out. So what? It’s not going to kill me. I wake up five minutes later and I’m OK.”
He must have said that when he was a young, testosterone-flooded 20-something with an ego the size of SA’s energy deficit. Not good advice at all, because, as we all know too well, when the local grid passes out from stage 1 to stage 6, there is no guarantee it will return to life after the dreaded load-shedding slot — it’s a gamble every time. Don’t do stupid things with your body.
Perhaps the governator said something more sober? “If you want power, the full squat is the way to get it.” That’s better Arnie, now we’re talking. The squat is the king of strength exercises challenged only by the dead lift.
However, not everyone cares about powerlifting, bodybuilding and pushing the limits of personal strength. And rightly so, it often comes at a great cost and punishes the trainer later in life.
Back to your father stuck in his chair ... we will be squatting — or at least trying to — for the rest of our lives. It is one of the functional movement patterns that are fundamental to general mobility.
If you’ve read this column for any length of time, you would have noticed that I always suggest seeing a qualified trainer or biokineticist and having a personalised programme designed. Those that have done this will remember going through some type of physical screening, such as the Functional Movement Screen (FMS), before they are told what to do and when to do it.
These screening tests are done to uncover issues with joint mobility, muscle weaknesses and imbalances, all of which pose a risk of injury. If these imbalances and weaknesses are corrected, life tends to become a little easier because you find moving that much easier.
The deep squat is often used during screening to assess functional mobility and stability of the hips, knees and ankles, while performing the movement with a dowel overhead does the same with the shoulders and thoracic spine, where the pelvis and core are called on for stability.
Recently, while watching close to 50 13-year-old club rugby players perform air squats (that is, squatting with no added weight), I counted about three that could squat. The rest of the group — who could run 2km at 70% intensity quite easily — suffered from terrible ankle and hip mobility and looked more like praying mantises than little sportsmen. Imagine their parents.
Now, if we are to stick with rugby in this little detour, the next time you go to watch a professional game, watch the elite athletes warm up in the 45-minutes before kickoff. You will witness a focus on mobility and functional control that’s essential to a career as demanding as professional contact sport.
A dear acquaintance, who refuses to listen to anyone, repeatedly injures himself and then WhatsApps me from his sofa sulking that he “can’t go to gym”. While he did eventually see a biokineticist, who told him about overdeveloped pushing muscles, an underdeveloped posterior chain and terrible ankle and hip mobility, he simply refuses to exercise the way he should, and instead keeps doing what he has always done. He’ll keep injuring himself.
Death, taxes and squats: you will quite literally be called on to squat in one way or another as long as you are mobile. Seeing a professional and learning about problems and weaknesses in the movement, and then doing accessory and corrective exercises, could well change your active and exercise life.
Not everyone can, or should, perform a classic squat while exercising, but if you haven’t seen an expert then the truth is: you know squat.
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