Playing padel feels like going to a pricey restaurant that is part of a chain

My early reaction to padel was a visceral rejection. It appeared to be a fad, with a low skill bar, played by insecure people who wanted to be seen.

I was tempted to “gaslight” the craze. This would have attracted controversy, and a few cheap laughs, but it was inappropriate. Besides, I like several padel players; one even has a sense of humour.

Why do so many people find padel offensive? Is it really a game demanding neither ball sense nor athletic ability? I noticed a few years ago that people whom I regarded as facile fad-hoppers had begun gathering in coffee shops in matching polyester padel outfits rather than their customary spandex.

About that time, I recall some pukka tennis-playing friends moaning about all the brouhaha about padel. Some said it was easier than swing ball and played with beach bats resembling shot holders.

You shouldn’t throw stones from glass houses though, so I decided to give it a try, and it was fun. The game began with an underhand bunt and the rallies lasted long enough for a few volleying exchanges, despite the players’ different abilities, one of whom had the use of only one eye.

Even fat people can play, which is more than you can say about most sports. I left without the satisfaction I may have derived from a game requiring ball skill or an arching kick serve, though that was to be expected from the first date with a new game.

Padel is also expensive and callously aimed at a particular demographic — as if the shareholders are looking to extract maximum earnings before the craze runs out. Courts are cunningly placed near financial services firms and designed to lure nerds in search of athletic cache, like drug dealers in a playground. A court costs R500 an hour and the designer apparel is priced for St Tropez. Tennis coaches are switching codes like amateur rugby players in the 1980s.

I have subsequently discovered that padel can be played brilliantly by talented professional athletes with incredible judgment for angles and rebounds. Some rallies even involve frantic forays beyond the field of play to retrieve the ball. It’s accessible enough to play with the family or a team from work even if some of the participants can’t identify the correct end of the padel.

I have noticed that talented sports people in metropoles across the land play enthusiastically and whenever they can. But to me, playing the game felt a bit like going to an expensive restaurant that is part of a chain; it lacks the charm and authenticity of an owner-managed bistro. I left feeling mildly shafted and unsatisfied.

Tennis is a tough sport to compete with. The grand slams are glamorous affairs, played in the world’s great cities for more than a century. They are attended by royalty. Cameras scan the stands for glamorous film stars in sunglasses.

Many of us have played tennis since we were children, inspired by gods such as Bjorn Borg and John McEnroe in white cotton, bathed in ethereal light on grass courts with wooden racquets strung with gut. We watched on small screens set in big wooden boxes in the dark days of international sporting scarcity when it was all we were allowed.

Tennis, like golf, is difficult to learn later in life, particularly if one has spent most of one’s life behind a laptop. Tennis also provides for the individual challenge of singles, while padel seems to be played only as doubles.

Tennis has substance and class formed by difficulty and history. Padel, despite its broad appeal, hums of nouveau opportunism.

The game’s popularity also points to another red flag in the relentless dumbing-down of society that matches the dwindling attention span of its client base. It confuses me that we allow our leisure pursuits to be simplified in this way. Surely, lasting pleasure is a result of hard-earned complexity?

If you enjoy playing padel, and can afford it, let it bring your life pleasure, but don’t play because you think it will make you cool. And please leave me off your invitation list. Things are not always better because they look good in a short skirt. 

Try padel, but teach your kids tennis.