How to cope when work is hard work

Not everyone can be in their ideal, well-paid job in a conducive environment. But can you assess exactly what is it that works for you about your job and what doesn’t? And when is your job good enough and when is it so unsuitable that you should leave?

Johannesburg life coach Judy Klipin has formulated a system for measuring how satisfactory your work is, which should help make the decision easier. Also, what it is you can change to improve the job and what you shouldn’t settle for.

It’s called the Wheel of Work, and in her book Make Work Work for You and in a workshop by the same name — available to companies — she outlines the method.

In the introduction to the book, Klipin describes how she spent “six very long and very unhappy months in an office that had no natural light or air”. To make things worse, her boss kept the air conditioning at arctic temperatures and contact with other staff members was minimal. The work was not interesting, rewarding or meaningful, she says, and there wasn’t enough of it to keep her occupied for more than a couple of hours every day.

The effects of such a workplace can drain your energy. “I got sick,” Klipin writes. “A lot. And the longer I stayed there, the more miserable I became and the more my migraines and stomach issues evolved.”

Yet, to give up the job was difficult because it had taken a long time to find. “Had I been less worn out and dejected by the place, and had I been able to afford a coach ... I would have managed to do exactly what I hope this book will help you to do: identify and describe all the elements of my work that weren’t working for me, and make a plan to improve them,” she says.

Klipin was able to leave and ultimately train to become a certified Martha Beck life coach, which was her passion. She concedes that we can’t all leave our jobs, and with the economy being what it is, more and more people are having to stay in situations that are not optimal for them. “So what do we do when we hate our work but have to stay with it and in it to survive?” With some effort and attention, she says, “we can find some aspects of it to love — or at least to feel warmly towards”. 

For people not feeling comfortable in their jobs, the Wheel of Work is a useful model to measure where they need to pay attention and how satisfied they are in each area of their work life (see book cover). It presents eight areas of work, though all are interrelated and influence each other. These are: physical space; self-awareness; relationships at work; health and wellness; content of work; reward and recognition; psychological safety; and meaning and values. Each value is rated from zero (low satisfaction) to 10 (the highest score).

To do the scoring, you need to rate each variable and then join the dots to form a circle. This will give you a good indication of the areas that are fine or acceptable, and those that are poor. If you have a nice big circle you should be doing well; however, if you have low scores on all eight areas, rendering a small circle, you need to consider changing.

Some aspects will be easier to change than others. For example, under “physical space” come aspects such as air quality, light and lighting, remembering to take in sufficient hydration and your ability to take frequent breaks to move your body and take in oxygen. In some situations you can make some constructive changes, and some workspaces can be made better with a few tweaks: “Remove it or improve it,” says Klipin. You could turn off annoying overhead light and bring in a table lamp, or, if there is insufficient fresh air, go outside as often as possible for tea and lunch breaks.

But areas like “self-awareness and self-management” are more tricky. This encompasses how we relate to our colleagues. Klipin says: “We’re often so caught up in feeling that things happen to us at work that we forget to pay attention to the role we play and how we contribute to what happens at work. When we become more self-aware, we gain insight into our actions and reactions, and increase the probability of a harmonious environment where work works for us.” 

Whatever the environment, there are things an individual uniquely brings to work: an attitude or behaviour that affects how others see them. She describes how she has often noted that many of her clients have some “adult child” characteristics as a result of growing up in alcoholic or dysfunctional families.

While these traits may have helped us survive, they can stand in the way of work success. According to US psychologist Janet Woititz, who coined the term adult child, some of these characteristics include guessing at what normal behaviour is; having difficulty following a project through to the end; judging yourself without mercy; overreacting to changes over which you have no control; constantly seeking approval and affirmation from other people; being super-responsible or super-irresponsible; and being impulsive.

Having these characteristics may lead people to take on too much work, to not delegate or ask for help, and to give the impression they are coping when they aren’t. Clearly these behaviours can lead to problems at work, possible mental health issues and even burnout for the person involved. And while these problems may seem intractable, Klipin says that, with the right communication and constructive management of conflict, we can cope better and turn the workplace into one that is more supportive and friendly.

She adds that it’s instructive to bear in mind that each of us has two selves: the social self and the essential self. Both look after us; but which one do we take to work? The essential self is our inner two-year-old who wants to protect itself and may resort to tantrums. The social self, on the other hand, is the one that tries to fit into the world with the right clothes and behaviour. You don’t have to leave your essential self at home, Klipin says: “Listen to both; honour the essential self without upsetting the social self too much.” 

To make progress we have to tell ourselves the truth, she believes. Attendees at the Make Work Work for You workshops begin by answering these questions:

1. Why am I here?
2. What do I hope to achieve personally and professionally
3. What fears do I have?

We were then asked to list our top three complaints about our work environment, and share them if we wished. We had a lively discussion around this that brought clarity on the things we could change, and how, and the things we couldn’t.

One attendee had to admit their circle was tiny and they needed to change. Klipin agreed: “This job is killing your soul; you’re pushing a boulder up a hill.”   

In her book she gives anonymous case studies. One of these is to illustrate how impostor syndrome can interfere with our performance. This is when a person constantly doubts their abilities and competence — they keep expecting to be “outed” as a fraud. People with adult child characteristics are especially prone to this as their lack of self-esteem makes them become their own worst critic.

Ways to address it include admitting to yourself you have impostor syndrome; asking for help from a trusted friend, mentor or coach; looking back and making a list of what you’ve achieved; reframing the anxiety by conceding that a certain amount of anxiety is necessary to be good at your job; and being kinder to yourself. “Change your inner dialogue from one of critical judgment to one of kind inquisitiveness: ‘I should have done better’ to ‘What could I have done differently?’” Ultimately, how we treat ourselves will affect how we treat others.

Another of the segments in the Wheel of Work, the content of work, refers to the amount of stimulation and fulfilment we get from our jobs. Overstimulation without sufficient time to recuperate can be exhausting, whereas understimulation, boredom and the feeling that you’re not growing or progressing can also fill you with dread at the thought of going back the next day. This is one of the most common problems her clients give for wanting to leave their jobs, she says.

Negative stimulation happens when we’re fearful in our workplace, feeling out of our depth and/or experiencing conflict. Klipin cites a case study where a financial officer, “John”, was in a position where his boss had instructed him to approve the awarding of contracts to dubious service providers. With our high levels of corruption in SA, this is not an unlikely scenario. When John said no, he was treated with hostility by the boss and excluded from meetings.

Klipin concludes that, frustrated at not being able to do his job properly, John suffered stress. His aversion to his boss and the company were becoming unbearable but fortunately he was able to leave to go to a more honourable company. Still, he carried with him a sense of guilt and regret that he had been unable to put a stop to the toxic practices that were now continuing unhindered in his previous workplace.

This example points to the knock-on effects that bosses and colleagues have on each other and why it is important to either make work work for you or, if you can, make plans to get out.