Devlin Brown at the water cooler: The hunt for quality protein that doesn’t bankrupt you

People like you talk about the importance of eating lots of protein. However, I am finding that I am just paying more for less quality and variety. Where do you buy your meat?

It is a wonderful time to be alive — where we can make broad, sweeping statements about “people like you”. Social media, a gift to humanity.

Facts don’t matter, of course. Our A-team in the White House had to keep straight faces while being shown footage from the Democratic Republic of Congo and a PR installation in KwaZulu-Natal. In the aftermath of the comedy sketch, one headline back home even proclaimed that Johann Rupert emerged as an “unlikely” voice of unity and patriotism.

Why is it unlikely? Because the red berets and advocates of radical economic transformation ( have run a relentless social media campaign convincing everyone that he is a white monopoly capitalist, master-in-charge super-villain who eats young children? Who knows whether he is a nice man or not, but yet again, do facts even matter? Everything nowadays has a musky scent.

It is no wonder you think “people like me” are demanding that you eat more meat. Protein “activist” social media influencers would have you believe that you should run around like a cave man and club every living creature into your casserole dish. You genuinely do not need to eat as much protein, or meat, as the monetised accounts lead you to believe.

You don’t have to go “carnivore” or “caveman”, or ketogenic or Atkins, depending on the calibre of social media accounts you follow. If you have absolutely nothing to do, and have time to donate without any expectation of anything in return, watch Untold: The Liver King on Netflix. Turns out you need the anabolic steroids before eating bull testicles — and social media fans were shocked! I bow my head in disbelief.

I too get far less food for far more money. About 15 years ago I would need a trolley to push R1,000 worth of groceries out of the store. Today I can carry it in my left hand while fiddling in my right pocket for my car keys and parking ticket. And so, when talking about the best meat, and variety, there must be an acknowledgment that it is not cheap.

It is a tragedy that the ability to buy a variety of high-quality meats is the preserve of a minority. While that’s a global truth, it certainly is more obscene in SA. Pity the White House didn’t join the dots between haves and have-nots and an outrageously high crime rate.  

If you own an iPhone, you would probably be horrified to learn that there are places other than Woolworths to buy A-grade meat. Places with far more variety and better cuts. Don’t send the Apple police to lock me up, please. I love Woolies, and think its dairy, greens, ready-made salads and healthy ready-to-eat meals are the best in the country.

I live in greater Randburg, so I’ll talk about what I have access to. When I feel like a treat I go to Food Lover’s Market at Hillfox. It is a drive for sure, but a meat lover’s paradise and well worth the quality and variety, just don’t even look over to the bread section or you’ll blow your Banting goals out of the window.

All the Woolies aisle 3 catwalk divas (both men and women): Here is a challenge. Muster the courage to traverse the hills in the west and descend into the clutches of Krugersdorp. I know, terrifying! President Hyper will blow your mind. While the name screams “bargain”, the meat and dessert experience will shock the leafy suburbs out of you. In terms of value versus quality (and sheer quantity), I was genuinely astounded and filled my SUV’s boot.

Every upmarket Checkers FreshX store has fantastic vacuum sealed steaks and a few Pick n Pays, like Summerfields in Boskruin, present a variety and superior quality cut.

In my household, we try to eat a variety of white and red meat, and take time and make an effort to find different ways to prepare it. Perhaps the biggest change over the years has been reducing the portion sizes. And guess what? The muscle remained.