Dear Comrades,
On the weekend, Comrade President Cyril Ramaphosa circulated a disturbing letter in which he seemed to flaunt the counterrevolutionary view that radical economic transformation — that is, redistributing wealth from the working and middle class to senior members of our glorious movement — might not be a successful election strategy for our beloved ANC.
Given the deeply demoralising content of this letter, many of you have expressed amazement that it was published at all. Just this Sunday we read with quiet revolutionary pride how the Gauteng health department suspended supply chain chief director Thandy Pino after she started questioning administrative irregularities and possible price gouging.
Destroying whistle-blowers is the ANC way, and we commend those comrades such as Pino’s bosses, who continue to lead the fight against the fight against self-enrichment. But it is also an unfortunate political reality that we cannot simply suspend the SA president. Or Cyril Ramaphosa.
In his defence, however, we would like to draw your attention to the heavy emphasis he places in his letter on the 54th national conference of the ANC, held at Nasrec in 2017, and decisions taken there by the party as a whole.
By framing his position on corruption as something dictated by the party, rather than by personal morality or universal ideas of right and wrong, he is boldly reassuring us that his moral worldview conforms to that of the ANC, whereby the party leadership comes first, followed by rank and file members, with SA’s constitution and laws bringing up a distant third. Viva leadership, viva!
It is also important to acknowledge that the letter announces exciting opportunities for cadres. The proposed anticorruption hotline, for example, sounds lucrative indeed, and Ramaphosa’s announcement that “we need to draw a line in the sand” is excellent news for comrades who wish to supply the presidency with sand and/or line-drawing equipment.
But for all these positive notes, there are, alas, many things in the letter that are confusing and even troubling. At one point, for example, Ramaphosa writes about the ANC losing its ability to “occupy the moral high ground”. We don’t know what “moral high ground” means, but we like the sound of occupying it and will definitely investigate further.
Comrades have also been asking what Ramaphosa means when he writes that “we need to take responsibility”. Since none of us joined the movement to take responsibility for anything, in this instance “we” probably refers to a junior assistant to a senior comrade. Indeed, we would urge all senior staff to identify your nearest “we” and assign them the revolutionary role of being the person who is sacrificed when your entrepreneurial tendencies appear on the front page of the Sunday Times.
Other questions are answered more easily. At one point Ramaphosa asks: “How did we get here?” That is simple: in a Range Rover. But other statements are more upsetting. Ramaphosa claims, for example, that “billions ... have been stolen to line the pockets of a criminal few”. This week, many outraged and hurt comrades have approached us to say they only got millions or tens of millions, and that their inability to access these reported billions speaks to creeping elitist, antidemocratic tendencies within the revolution.
Then there is Ramaphosa’s warning that “every cadre accused of, or reported to be involved in, corrupt practices must account to the Integrity Commission immediately or face disciplinary processes”.
This is truly a diabolical dilemma, for which comrade in their right mind could possibly choose between the two: the one, a heaving, sighing, moaning, cuddle-puddle; the other, a moist, dark, secret room, full of leather chairs and slaps on the wrist slowly, deliciously, becoming slaps on the buttocks?
Finally, there is his assertion that “we have taken decisive measures in government to ... deal with the scourge of corruption”. After widespread consultation with comrades, who happily confirmed that “basically fokkol” had been done to deal with corruption, it was agreed that Ramaphosa seems to be referring to the note on the fridge at Luthuli House, the one that says “PLEASE STOP STEALING MY YOGHURT — GWEDE”, and which has been causing severe hardship, especially at about 3pm when that snacky feeling creeps over a comrade.
No, there is plenty to be alarmed and upset by in this letter, Comrades. But let us stay focused. To this end, please refrain from printing and cutting out Ramaphosa’s signature at the end of the letter, perhaps to glue onto homemade chequebooks or tender applications.
Remember: if you are convicted of fraud we will have to promote you, which means you will spend more time in meetings, and the next thing you know you’ll basically be working for a living. Which defeats the whole point of being in government.
Aluta continua!
Your ANC
• Eaton is an Arena group columnist.
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