“If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?” — Lewis Carroll
There is logic and there is ANC logic. Never shall the two meet.
As various ANC MPs fall over themselves bravely to take a stance against the DA motion to remove the public protector, there have been some wonderful war poems written.
Consider this succinct call to arms by Supra Mahumapelo: “Myself as an ANC MP, I will NOT vote for the DA motion.” It’s the use of capital letters that really stands out.
In the same declaration he said that at the last ANC caucus meeting, “the chief whip informed us that at this stage the ANC does not have a position on the matter”.
So he has a firm position on no position, perhaps the perfect calling card for the ANC under Cyril Ramaphosa. On Tuesday, the ANC was forced to call in the big guns to try to square the circle.
Mahumapelo and his ilk believe the public protector has done a “marvellous” job. The courts disagree. They say the public protector can’t tell the constitution from a lucky packet. And they have said it often enough.
But rationality, reason and evidence left the building a long time ago. That is, if they were ever there in the first place. You can’t argue with that kind of assessment, because it defies the rules of argument from first principles.
So you have to watch on, as the Mahumapelos of this world fluff out their chest, and bristle their ideological feathers. No, that is too kind. Ideology doesn’t explain this either. It’s just obstinate idiocy, in the face of potential embarrassment.
In a desperate attempt to poison the entire well, Mahumapelo described the independent Nkabinde report into the public protector — which underpins the DA motion and could do nothing but find her performance to be dire — as a “DA motion coming in the form of a panel of experts report”. So, everything is DA really: the motion, the experts, one presumes the courts too.
Nkabinde sounds an awful lot like Nkandla. The ANC has been here before. Only, that time the DA was advocating for the public protector. So, of course, it had to be opposed. Motion after motion of no confidence in the president was defeated. Until, eventually, the president himself was defeated. It didn’t end well.
The late Jackson Mthembu said there were lessons to be learnt in this. “Our defence of Nkandla has cost us dearly,” he said, “and such must never happen again. We must never again be found doing wrong things”. Not the most lyrical ANC poem, but you get the gist of it.
Lesson not learnt, however. It’s “wrong things” all the way down for Mahumapelo, whatever the consequences.
You wonder, where would the ANC be without the DA? Truly the official opposition is the ANC’s North Star. The ANC is the first to say the DA opposes only for the sake of opposing, but without the DA to oppose, the ANC would be completely lost.
That is the ANC of 2021 in many regards. Having mutilated its moral authority, without a clear vision and purpose, and cracked down the middle, its only real constant is opposition: to the DA, the media, “white monopoly capital”, the constitution, the courts, whatever. The opposition is the last source of meaning for the ANC.
“‘Contrariwise,” continued Tweedledee, ‘if it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn’t, it ain’t. That’s logic.’”
The ANC has become the very thing it claims to despise. Trapped by its own incompetence, all it can do is rage against truth, and the inevitable embarrassment that accompanies it. It is a party of low-self esteem, submersed in its own ego, and on the verge of going under. What a sight.
As it gurgles and spits and froths war poems from the bathtub, it’s only the drowning you really see.
There is much history to be written about the ANC and the public protector. “A tale of two protectors” — now there is a book. One, competent and independent, despised and defamed. One incompetent and biased, celebrated and defended. One who helped bring down a president. One who cannot be brought down, because she found against a president.
These are through the looking glass absurdities only the ANC could dream up.
The general response from the fourth estate, in the form of strongly worded editorials, commendable enough in their own right, has been to apply moral pressure, to appeal to the ANC’s better self. It’s a bit like watching a human-rights activist narrate a murder; as if the culprit were in the murdering business because they had a wrong-headed understanding of the law, and just needed a good talking to.
As for the ANC’s better self, it was last seen cowering in some small dark recess, muttering about the morning to come. The ANC’s better self might exist. It also might as well not.
Fikile Mbalula says the public protector is a “hired gun”. He would know. Mbalula has yet to meet an ANC president he wouldn’t prostrate himself before, only to bury his head in the sand at the appropriate moment, until he can be reborn, with a new leader to salivate over. If this is your ally on a matter of principle, you know it’s got nothing to do with principle, whatever side you back.
The ANC has created a mess over the public protector so convoluted in its internal contradictions, it’s hard to say what will happen. Maybe she will be removed at the end of it all, maybe she won’t. All things are possible. But we do know the ANC hates the DA. Surely that is enough to form the basis of all decision-making?
If not the DA, then whichever of its many and various enemies. Just do the opposite. That, at least, is something to hold onto, as the water enters the nostrils.
How the ANC must yearn for the days of Lawrence Mushwana. Now there was a straight up and down cadre in the best Mbeki tradition — competent enough to feign independence, loyal enough to never be independent. Life was so simple back then.
Part of that book, the tale of two protectors, would have to explain how Thuli Madonsela slipped through the cracks. Her appointment remains a great mystery to this day. Everyone knows the queen of hearts must be mad. It’s one of the rules. And boy, was she a spanner in the works. Introduce some rationality and independence into a random patronage network and they bring the whole of Wonderland into stark relief.
The ANC for one has never recovered. The contradiction was too much for it. Having over compensated in the other direction, it now can’t tell up from down or left from right. And as it’s members juggle illogic, the public protector must be laughing from afar.
Who said you need to understand the constitution to be a public protector? That is true only of the mortal realm. Through the looking glass, all you need to understand is that in a world of contradictions, you will always be half right.
“‘Tut, tut, child!’ said the Duchess. ‘Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it.’”
From there, the absurdity of it all will carry you the rest of the way.
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