What do you do?
As a psychologist, what I hope to do — whether it’s a therapeutic intervention, facilitation, mentoring relationship, coaching session, mediation, conflict resolution, presentation, corporate training, podcast, radio, press or print media feature — is make a difference.
I focus on take-home value and would like to believe that I partner people in a way that they leave a little differently that how they came in.
You wear many hats. Is there one role you feel is most you?
My focus is the role I am currently immersed in but facilitation is the rewarding thread. Facilitation of insight and new realisations; facilitation of knowledge; facilitation of curiosity and different ways of viewing things; facilitation of behavioural change; and facilitation of connection between people on a level that they never imagined was possible.
People are very stressed by the changes brought about by the lockdown and the pandemic. Do you have any advice for the average South African during this crazy time?
Feeling stressed is, indeed, a normal reaction to an unprecedented, uncertain situation. Uncertainty is a huge springboard for stress. Most people attempt to rationalise, deny or douse their fear, anxiety and sadness. Paradoxically, “if you name it, you can tame it”.
Control is gained by “leaning in” and recognising unwelcome feelings. This recognition serves to minimise rumination, the “what-if” catastrophising and helps prevent being overwhelmed. We can gain some perspective, access previous coping resources, and regain a semblance of understanding and control.
Both self-compassion and support from others are essential. Personal boundaries, a little time out, a routine that recognises your needs is important. Making and maintaining contact with chosen family and friends who do not act as an echo chamber by entering into competitive suffering, but rather “hear”, understand and can respond to the emotion you are feeling, is immeasurably helpful. After all, we are wired for connection. Research conclusively demonstrates the healing power of support that we all need at this time.
What was your first job, and what was the most important thing you learnt from it?
My first job was as a social worker in a remedial school, before qualifying as a clinical psychologist. I learnt about diversity, challenge, deficits in knowledge, asking for help, and valuing my perceptive and relational ability. I also learnt that I couldn’t take everyone home, that I had to care, but not that much, and to develop an effective objectivity/subjectivity balance.
I learnt what responsibility, reliability and ethics really mean. It was the beginning of a journey of self-evaluation and trust in myself, often in the face of somewhat sceptical and intimidating parents. I fundamentally learnt about gratitude.
What did you want to be when you were a child?
When I was a child, I dreamt of being powerful and influential. Living in SA, I had visions of alleviating poverty and hunger, and felt passionate about freedom and fairness. I also remember having fantasies about being beautiful, finding “my prince”, not asking permission, making my own money and being a mom.
Tell me more about your involvement in the mentor programme Collective Insights. How does it work, and who would benefit from it?
My friend and colleague Michelle Brown, the consummate leader and innovator, recognised the need for mentoring young female entrepreneurs, especially at this time. She approached esteemed friends and recognised colleagues to join her in stepping forward to partner and be matched in a three-month mentoring relationship. This is the Collective Insights programme.
Mentors include Yvonne Chaka-Chaka, Tracy Going, Edith Venter, Princess Tsakani, Masego Kunupi, Annelee Murray, Carol Hall, Nosipho Damasane and others. There is no charge. Data used for Collective Insights is sponsored by Vodacom.
Mentoring is considered a developmental journey where experiences, insights and thoughts are shared to encourage problem-solving, dealing with challenge, and innovative thinking. Its focus is on the development of broader perspectives, skills, self-awareness and self-confidence, all of which can be harnessed in navigating life’s journey. Hence it is much more than offering solutions or direct suggestions.
What do you think makes you good at what you do?
I believe in possibility. There is almost always a better way, an alternative, a resolution, a solution. For me, “no” is just the beginning of the conversation. As opposed to false positivity, I live with mindful optimism that informs my actions and often the outcome. I am in awe of the resilience I have witnessed, of tenacity, the power of self-belief and of connection. People learn from mistakes and from pain, and this enables change.
It is a privilege to be invited into sacred space and partner on a personal journey.
My values are courage, empathy and authenticity. What makes me good at what I do is listening between the lines, gently encouraging truth and vulnerability through deep emotional connection. I enable humanity without shame.
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