It’s Thanksgiving in the US, so much of the country is on holiday and official presidential duties are light-hearted. President Donald Trump will make his annual appearance to ceremonially pardon some turkeys, instead of the insurrectionists, fraudsters and other dodgy characters he generally reserves this presidential power for.
But that doesn’t mean the 47th president hasn’t had time to focus on globally significant tasks such as negotiations to end the war in Ukraine and, in a new low in his efforts to manipulate US media corporations, ensure the production of a film no-one needs is greenlit. A film whose director has faced multiple allegations of sexual assault and that would have already been made if, in the current environment of reboots and the resurrection of stale intellectual property (IP), anyone thought it would make any money.
Reports this week of the production of Rush Hour 4, the latest film in the Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker buddy cop franchise that, since its debut in 1998, has made $850m would normally not have raised many eyebrows.
But these are not normal times, and it soon became clear that the main reason for the announcement was that Trump had decided it would be a great idea, no doubt influenced by director Brett Ratner’s pleading. He may be poison in Tinseltown, but has been more than welcome in the White House recently, where he’s just directed a documentary about first lady Melania Trump that Jeff Bezos’ Amazon Studios paid $40m to license.
The president suggested that Rush Hour 4 become a reality to his friend and largest shareholder of Paramount Skydance, Larry Ellison, so it has come to pass that Ratner’s untouchable baby will now see the light of day with the presidential seal of approval.
Trump, himself the subject of multiple allegations of sexual misconduct, wouldn’t see similar accusations against Ratner as any disincentive to get behind the film. And, in light of Paramount’s recent settling of a ludicrous lawsuit brought against it by the president, it’s no surprise that they’ll give him whatever he wants.
It’s bad enough that Trump already has many dodgy news outlets, podcast bros and tabloids doing his bidding without having to consider what the addition of a major Hollywood studio to his unofficial media empire would do to the future of movie watching.
As Stuart Heritage, writing in The Guardian this week, observed, the idea of Trump deciding the future of movies is terrifying considering his awful taste in movies. One of Trump’s acknowledged favourite films is the 1988 action hit Bloodsport starring “muscles from Brussels” Jean-Claude Van Damme as an American martial artist serving in the military; he then leaves the army to compete in a fight-to-the-death tournament in Hong Kong.
Though it spawned several sequels and reboots, Van Damme appeared in only the first outing and may now be waiting by his phone, ready to get his 65-year-old muscles into shape for a Trump-sanctioned return to glory that would be released in time for the president’s slate of “American Freedom Flicks” to be shown at the White House as part of next year’s 250th anniversary celebrations.
Don’t laugh just yet because in the Trump 2.0 era nothing is too idiotic to become possible official policy.
Following Ratner’s return to blockbusters, other famous stars and directors whose careers have been similarly cut short by accusations of sexual misconduct may see a sliver of hope for their return. Kevin Spacey could be pitching his new 12-episode dramatic adaptation of The Art of the Deal to Paramount Plus executives sooner than you think, while disgraced director Bryan Singer furiously types up the script for his comeback project Maga X-Men vs the Critical Race Theorists.
Even Roman Polanski, who hasn’t returned to the US since fleeing prosecution for the rape of a minor in 1978, may be thinking that, at age 92, he could make one last trip to the US as the director of The Bestest — a three-hour, 70mm prestige drama about a president’s dream of building a glittering, gilded ballroom at the White House against all odds and despite widespread condemnation. The possibilities are endless, awful and unfortunately not absurd enough to prevent them from becoming reality.
Having solved every pressing problem, from rising inflation and skyrocketing medicine prices to the creation of world peace and the rebalancing of international trade in less than one year, it’s only fair that Trump should use his next three years to do something about the unregulated woke, snowflake movie business to cement his legacy.
If you thought Hollywood was already dumbing down its products and scraping the bottom of the barrel for profits, fasten your seatbelts and get ready for a new age of mediocrity as the president takes the reins to remind us how much worse things can get when he takes a personal interest.
Would you like to comment on this article?
Sign up (it's quick and free) or sign in now.
Please read our Comment Policy before commenting.