BIG READ | A father can best teach his kids the importance of hard work and self-control

Chapter 28: Teach Them

Instead of buying your children all the things you never had, you should teach them all the things you were never taught. Material wears out but knowledge stays. — Bruce Lee

Children must be taught lessons that shape them into the highest and best version of themselves. It is the father’s duty to cultivate a culture of continuous learning within the home and alongside his wife, the child’s mother. The mother is the first teacher, and the message she passes to her child echoes to the world.

For this reason, the father must teach, instruct, and guide in partnership with her. Scripture says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Here are key considerations for teaching your children:

Teach them to read: Malcolm X, once dismissed as a thief and gangster unfit for law, transformed himself in prison by devouring books. Elon Musk knew nothing about rockets, yet through relentless reading built SpaceX and launched them into the sky. Warren Buffett reads six hours a day to sharpen his decisions. Reading liberates, informs and expands the mind. Encourage your son to read broadly — autobiographies, fairytales, novels, history, sacred texts and even ideas he disagrees with. Exposure to diverse voices builds critical thinking and the ability to argue from multiple angles. One idea from one book can change the course of his life.

Teach them to write: The most formidable and productive people are clear thinkers — critical, persuasive and precise. Writing builds these skills: framing problems, evaluating ideas and defending a position. In a world of disorder and weak thinking, the one who writes well will leave a mark. Consider the Jewish people: despite centuries of wars, genocides and persecution, they preserved their identity through writing. Their book of stories and laws — the Bible — has shaped legal and moral orders for millennia and remains the best-selling book in history. Teach your son the power of writing. Give him a journal, enrol him in writing classes and encourage him to start his own book from an early age.

Teach them to speak: The ability to articulate complex thoughts and emotions makes a man both dangerous and respected. History’s greatest orators commanded nations because they could command an audience. People listen, follow and do business with those who communicate clearly. Encourage your son to speak up — enrol him in public speaking or debate, and create space at home for speeches and sharing ideas. He doesn’t need the brilliance of Demosthenes, Cicero, Martin Luther King Jr, or even Jesus, but he must be competent and confident in his speech.

Teach them to listen: The man who listens actively is more intelligent, observant and approachable than the one who always speaks. We have two ears and one mouth so we might listen twice as much as we talk. When you are the last to speak, you learn more — listening not to reply, but to understand. True listening begins with humility: asking questions, admitting you don’t know everything and hungering to learn. As Socrates said, “All I know is that I know nothing.” Teach your son to listen more than he speaks.

Teach them to think for themselves: An independent thinker is an asset to society and a threat to those who seek control. Most people rely on “borrowed intellect”, letting others do their thinking for them. But those who dared to think for themselves disrupted the order and changed the world. Independent thinkers ask bold questions: why is it done this way? What if the majority is wrong? Can this information be trusted? Am I seeing all sides? What assumptions am I carrying? Such questions spark new insights, expose weak foundations and lead to better solutions. History remembers the ones who thought differently — Rosa Parks, Nikola Tesla and Albert Einstein. Encourage your son to ask questions and he may end up teaching you what you never knew.

Teach them to remain creative: Children are not taught creativity — they are taught out of it. Curiosity and play come naturally, but they must be protected and cultivated. Play is the work of childhood, so encourage it. Read them fairytales and fables to spark imagination. Ask “what if” questions that open possibilities. When they make mistakes, guide them to see the positives. Invite them to explain their interests, dedicate time for play and send them outside often. Ask open-ended questions that demand more than a yes or no. Let them take risks, try new projects and experiment. Above all, keep feeding their imagination with stories — because creativity is the seed of innovation.

Teach them discipline over convenience: The top 1% do what must be done — whether they like it or not. Too many only learn this lesson late in life, though it should be instilled early. Champions — athletes, builders, entrepreneurs — rise because of discipline, not convenience. Give your son hard tasks he’d rather avoid and teach him to complete them with excellence. Discipline is a muscle: build it young and life will be easier later.

Teach them to stand up for themselves: Daniel Craig, known for playing James Bond, has a blunt rule with his children: “If your kid is bullying my kid … and your kid doesn’t stop, my kid has been instructed to punch your kid in the face.” The point is clear — empower your son to defend himself. Teach assertive communication: how to name feelings, set boundaries and seek help without violating another’s rights. Use role-play, build emotional intelligence, teach conflict-resolution skills and consider martial arts for confidence and discipline. Violence is a last resort, not a first response. Kevin Hart prepares his children with humour — “I call my kids all the mean names in the book so when they hear it outside there is nothing they haven’t heard before.” Prepare your son for the worst and teach him to stand firm with courage and wisdom.

Teach them the beauty of equality: Teach your son that every individual, regardless of gender, race or background deserves respect. Remind him that his masculinity is not threatened by equality but it is, in fact, enhanced by it. A true man values the strengths and capabilities of others and knows that empowerment uplifts everyone.

Be their rich dad: The education system is outdated and rarely teaches wealth creation. Yet wealth equals freedom and a father must give his children the tools for financial independence. The rich don’t work for money — they build assets, equity, and teams of lawyers, accountants, and strategists to multiply wealth. If you are not yet rich, become rich and show your son how. Teach him about corporations, taxes, real investments, cash flow, estate planning and governance. Show him why he must not depend on a job alone. Fake money, fake teachers and fake assets will not set him free. Without resources, wealth and power he will be undermined in society. Be his rich dad and teach him to become one.

Teach them there is strength beyond muscles: The belief that masculinity equals physical strength is limiting. Real strength lies in character — in standing for what is right and protecting those who cannot protect themselves. Teach your son that true power is not only in fists, but in words, actions, and convictions.

Teach them that vulnerability is a virtue: The saying “boys don’t cry” is a lie. Show your son that emotions do not weaken manhood — they deepen it. Vulnerability builds connection, fosters understanding and heals wounds that strength alone cannot.

Teach them what you wish you knew: Minister TD Jakes and comedian Steve Harvey once spoke about legacy. Steve said, “I told my kids when me and mom pass on you are going to be crying — because I’m not leaving you everything.”

Jakes replied, “Here’s what people don’t understand about children. It is not what you leave to them that makes them great. It is what you leave in them. If you leave enough in them you won’t have to worry. If you leave more to them than you leave in them, they will run through what you left to them. But if you leave enough in them, you don’t have to leave too much to them because they can go out there and make their own way in life.”

It is wise to leave some wealth so they don’t starve, but wealth without wisdom leads to the cycle of depletion: the first generation creates it, the second squanders it and the third must start from scratch. One father incentivised learning by paying his children for every business or personal development book they read and summarised. He rewarded growth, not entitlement.

Don’t make the mistake of giving your children everything you never had. If you give without requiring effort you cripple their future. Leave them the lessons you wish you had learnt — how to build wealth, stand as a man, be independent, reflect and endure struggle. At the end of the conversation, Steve laughed and said, “I’m glad you said that — because now I’m not leaving them anything.”

Teach them the fear and admonition of the Lord: As a father, it is both your privilege and your burden to teach your children the fear of the Lord. This is not terror, but reverence — instilling awe, respect and obedience toward God. Scripture reminds us, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding” (Proverbs 9:10). The fear of God is not like fearing a gun; it is like the sun. The same sun that warms can also burn. Teach your son that God’s greatness and power demand humility, worship and obedience. Remember Solomon: when he became king, he did not ask first for wealth or power but for wisdom to lead God’s people (1 Kings 3:9). Because he feared the Lord and sought wisdom above all else, God granted him not only wisdom but also riches and honour beyond measure.

Teach your son that true wisdom and blessing flow from reverence for God. To walk in this fear is to walk in wisdom.

Inspired ideal of teaching your son what you wish you knew

When you teach your son what you wish you had known, you place him on the shoulders of giants. You give him the power to read, write, listen and think for himself. You protect his creativity, train his discipline, and teach him to stand with courage. You show him equality, reveal the truths of wealth and remind him that strength is in character, not just muscle. You let him see that vulnerability is wisdom, not weakness.

Above all, you anchor him in God. “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding” (Proverbs 9:10). Like Solomon, who asked not for riches or power but for wisdom to lead (1 Kings 3:9–12), teach him to seek God first. Wisdom will bring him everything else.

Each lesson is a seed. Plant the right seeds, and your son will carry your legacy and God’s wisdom further than you ever could.

Each interaction with a child is a divine appointment. Let that divine appointment be full of lessons that take them further than you ever could have. — Unknown