SAA is broke, Pope Benedict and Pope Francis are all over the telly, Disney princesses Elsa and Anna have a pet snowman called Olaf, Lindiwe Sisulu has appointed Menzi Simelane as a special adviser, and the DA is objecting to said appointment. Yes, apparently it’s 2013.
Of course, some things have changed in the past seven years. Thanks to the terminal shortness of South African memories, Simelane is no longer remembered as the guy who made the arms deal probe go away. Now, he’s the guy who deflected attention away from Bosasa. And this time he’s not the only pet snowman hired by Princess Sisulu: Mo Shaik has also come in from the cold.
Inevitably, the opposition and the media are sounding the alarm. And to be fair, it is slightly concerning that the minister of water and sanitation, who presides over the literal stuff of life, has hired two weapons-grade smoke-and-mirror experts to advise her. Why, some might ask, does a minister tasked with delivering water to South Africans need lawyers and spooks as special advisers rather than, say, engineers or climate experts? And why does she need these lawyers and spooks?
The Groundhog Day aspect of Simelane’s second coming, however, can provide a relatively comforting answer to those questions. Because, as we now know, when it comes to ANC power and patronage there is no grand conspiracy. There is simply the jingling, jangling whirl of rich, untouchable people riding the carousel to greater riches and less accountability; an endless circus in which cadres are redeployed, special advisers are hired, the DA objects, the press worries, and the money pours in a vast golden river from taxpayers to the ANC elite and its accomplices in business.
As we now know, when it comes to ANC power and patronage there is no grand conspiracy.
So what is Sisulu’s grand plan for her ministry? That’s simple. It’s the same grand plan she had as minister of intelligence, and then minister of housing — roll up, roll up! — and then minister of defence, and then minister of public service — jingle jangle, round and round! — and then minister of human settlements, and then minister of international relations and co-operation: her grand plan is to do just enough to be offered a bigger and better ministry, positioning herself for the real business of making that all-important lunge for the brass ring.
Which is why I would like to take this opportunity to congratulate Mr Simelane on his appointment as special adviser to the minister in 2020, and his appointment as special adviser to the deputy president in 2027.
What a ride that carousel offers, hey?
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