I’m a girly girl. My nose is happiest buried in Vogue, interpreting this season’s trends, finding ways of making them work for a 60-year-old with a fear of looking like mutton.
Like that 1966 song from British band, The Kinks, I’m a “dedicated follower of fashion”.
I love all things girly: manicures and pedicures and facials and trips to the hairdresser; baubles and beads; all things gold and silver and platinum; perfume and nice smelly stuff; foamy bath things. I love clothes and high-heeled shoes (though my six-decade-old feet won’t let me wear them anymore), and handbags. Handbags! They’re something of a passion.
I would faint dead away if, for example, someone gave me an Hermès Birkin bag. Dead away. I’d probably only swoon if, on the other hand, I was handed a Bottega Veneta bag with its interwoven leather strips — not that I’d complain.
I approve of Botox and facelifts and threading and the micro-blading of eyebrows and lip plumping and earlobe reshaping and liposuction. I watch chic-flicks and cry at weddings. Heck, I cry looking at a beautiful sunset. You get my drift. I’m a girl.
On the spectrum, I am a fully heterosexual, 100% woman and am completely happy with that. (I hope I don’t get into trouble saying that. Loudly declaring one’s absolute sexuality — one way or the other — seems a bit dodgy in these days of gender fluidity.)
So here’s where it gets tricky. As a young girl, for a number of years, I preferred boys clothing. Most people would simply think “Ah, tomboy phase”, and they’d be right. I wanted to be like my brothers, and shimmy up trees and scrape my knees falling off a skateboard and shooting a catty at targets (never animals) and, well, doing boy things.
There was never once in all that time, not a single second, when my parents considered the possibility that I was transgender — that I was identifying as male.
So when a friend nervously looked around her and lowered her voice to share her concern that a friend’s 12-year-old girl-by-birth grandchild was being treated as a boy at school, I was a little taken aback. Apparently the child was “identifying as male” and so was being allowed to be a boy at school, which meant that the child was being allowed to wear a boy’s uniform, use the boys loo and be referred to by a male name.
Fascinated by this topic that has me flummoxed, I turned to Google to study the various views on the subject. One popular view comes from James Kirkup writing for The Spectator in a piece headlined, “Trans rights have gone wrong — the new gender orthodoxy allows no room for dissent”.
He raises the issue of tolerance, asking whether more understanding has allowed more trans people the freedom to “come out”. “Could the internet be accelerating ‘social contagion’, where the idea of being transgender spreads rapidly?”
He also asks: “What explains the disproportionate number of girls (child ‘assigned female at birth’, to use the approved term) who are starting a journey that can lead to hormone treatment, then binding and ultimately removing their breasts? Is it possible that this is simply part of a wider crisis of mental health among girls?”
Kirkup, like other medics and experts in the field, does not claim to have ready answers to these questions.
Left-wing liberalist dogma
Because her parents are universally famous, the story of Shiloh Jolie-Pitt (daugher of Angelina and Brad) is out there, and in a public way that makes me go, Ouch! When she was just four years old in 2008, her mother told newspapers that her daughter “felt” like a boy and wanted her family to call her John. Two years later, Angelina Jolie repeated the story in a Vanity Fair interview.
By publiclly announcing her child’s gender preference to the world at age four, surely she was locking her into a pre-set future where she will be hesitant to change her mind if, at some more grown up stage, she wants to? And heaven forbid that anyone should point that out and suggest an alternative plan of action. It is considered being insensitive, and, in worst-case scenarios, hostile.
At the end of this column, I’ve included Planned Parenthood’s guidelines on how to refer to, and treat, transgender people. This American non-profit organisation, that provides reproductive healthcare, encourages super-sensitivity around the issue of transgender — as does the entire liberal western world.
And, of course, I agree that sensitivity is an important component in dealing with all sensitive subjects. For fear of coming across as insensitive, I hesitate to say what I am about to say. Anyway, here goes.
The dogma of the liberal left is, in my opinion, contributing to the rise of Trumpism, and Brexitism in the world.
The constant carping at and criticism of people who hold different views from the liberal norm — insisting on sensitivity and political correctness is in part to blame. Nobody, it seems, is allowed to question what is believed to be — but is really not — common wisdom.
Respect the words people use to describe themselves. Transgender people use many different terms to describe their experiences, and not all terms fit all people. It’s important to ask people what language they want you to use
— Planned Parenthood
And, if we believe all the media coverage of the rise of populism, we think that the working classes are to blame for narrow thinking. Not so, according to a a Gallup poll conducted just after Donald Trump was voted in as US president. This survey found that his supporters were “not economically distressed and not likely to have immigration-related anxiety”.
So: they did not have lower incomes and therefore were not clinging to jobs that immigrants might take from them. These people who voted in this racist misogynist were middle-class people.
All I am saying is that we need to re-examine the prescriptive nature and the hammer-thumping force that we (I include myself in this number) liberals are using to enforce what we think is in the best interests of the few.
A little more debate perhaps? Or freedom to express opinions that might provide an alternate view? That’s all I’m asking for.
From the Planned Parenthood website
https://www.plannedparenthood.org/
Transgender-identity terms and labels
There are a lot of ways that transgender people can describe their identities. Understanding the words and labels people use encourages respect and understanding.
Why are there so many different words?
Maybe you haven’t given much thought to gender as a concept. Your behaviour, appearance, dress, and genitals “match” how you feel about yourself and how everyone around you treats you. You might be wondering, “Why are there so many different ways to describe a person’s gender?”
People’s thoughts and feelings about their gender can be complex. Having a variety of words and labels to describe the various ways you might think about your gender helps you communicate who you are.
How do I refer to someone who is transgender?
Respect the words people use to describe themselves. Transgender people use many different terms to describe their experiences, and not all terms fit all people. It’s important to ask people what language they want you to use. It’s OK to ask someone for their preferred name and pronouns. Always use the name and pronouns they tell you.
If trans people aren’t sure which identity labels fit them best, give them the time to figure it out for themselves. The terms or language a person prefers may change over time, and that’s totally normal and okay.
What if I offend a transgender person by using the wrong name or pronoun or identity label?
Approaching transgender people with respect, awareness, and a desire to learn about gender is an important step in making sure you don’t hurt anyone’s feelings. Most people want to treat others with respect. But sometimes even someone with good intentions can still cause pain, embarrassment, or offence. Such moments are an opportunity to listen to a transgender person’s concerns, learn more about gender identities and language, and work to improve how you use language that may be inaccurate or offensive.
Common gender-identity terms
Cisgender: Those who identify and present as the gender they were assigned at birth. For example, a baby born with a vulva is categorised a girl. If she also sees herself as a girl throughout her life, she is considered cisgender. In its simplest terms, cisgender describes someone who is not transgender.
Cross-dresser (sometimes shortened to CD): A person — typically a straight-identified, cisgender man — who sometimes wears clothing associated with the opposite sex in order to have fun, entertain, gain emotional satisfaction, for sexual enjoyment, or to make a political statement about gender roles.
Drag king: A female performer who exaggerates male behaviours and dress for the purposes of entertainment at bars, clubs, or events. Some drag kings might identify as transgender.
Drag queen: A male performer who exaggerates female behaviours and dress for the purposes of entertainment at bars, clubs, or events. Some drag queens might identify as transgender.
Gender dysphoria: A diagnosis, often used by psychologists and doctors, to describe the distress, unhappiness, and anxiety that transgender people may feel about the mismatch between their bodies and their gender identity. A person may be formally diagnosed with gender dysphoria in order to receive medical treatment to help them transition.
Psychologists used to call this “gender identity disorder”. However, the mismatch between a person’s body and gender identity isn’t in itself a mental illness (but it can cause emotional distress), so the term was changed to reflect that.
While some transgender people use the word tranny to describe their gender, most find it highly offensive — a derogatory slur
— Planned Parenthood
Gender fluidity: The flexibility of gender expressions and identities that may change over time or even from day to day. A gender-fluid person may feel male on some days, female on others, both male and female, or neither. A gender-fluid person might also identify as gender-queer.
Gender non-conforming or non-binary: When a person’s gender expression doesn’t fit inside the traditional male or female categories (sometimes called the gender binary). These labels can include someone who identifies as both male and female, neither male nor female, or some other gender altogether. The term isn’t a synonym for transgender and should only be used if someone self-identifies as gender non-conforming or non-binary.
Gender-queer: A term for people who don’t identify as a man or a woman or whose identity lies outside the traditional gender binary of male and female. Some people use gender-queer, gender non-conforming, and non-binary interchangeably, but others don’t. Gender-queer has a political history, so many use the term to identify their gender as non-normative in some way. For example, someone could identify as both cisgender female and gender-queer.
Intersex: A general term used for a variety of conditions in which a person is born with a reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn’t fit the typical definitions of female or male. Sometimes a female or male gender is assigned to an intersex person at birth through surgery, if external genitals are not obviously male or female. Intersex babies are always assigned a legal gender, but sometimes when they grow up, they don’t identify with the gender selected for them. Some intersex people are transgender, but intersex does not necessarily mean transgender.
Transgender (sometimes shortened to trans or trans*): A general term used to describe someone whose gender expression/gender identity are different than the sex assigned at birth. Some people put an asterisk on the end of trans* to expand the word to include all people with non-conforming gender identities and expressions.
Transgender man (sometimes transman, female-to-male, F to M, F2M, or FTM): A person whose sex assignment at birth was female but whose gender identity is male. These identities can also refer to someone who was surgically assigned female at birth, in the case of intersex people, but whose gender identity is male. Many transmen identify simply as men.
Transgender woman (sometimes transwoman, male-to-female, MTF, M2F): A person whose sex assignment at birth was male but whose gender identity is female. These identities can also refer to someone who was surgically assigned male at birth, in the case of intersex people, but whose gender identity is female. Many transwomen identify simply as women.
Outdated, inaccurate, or offensive gender-identity terms
Although some people may use the following terms to describe their own gender, most of the labels below range from out-of-date to offensive.
Genderidentity iisorder (or GID): The preferred term is gender dysphoria.
Hermaphrodite: The preferred term is intersex.
Pre-operative, post-operative (also pre-op or post-op): A set of terms to describe a transgender person who has had or not had sex re-assignment surgeries. Focusing on whether someone has had surgery can be considered invasive or a violation of someone’s privacy. Also many transgender people don’t want (or don’t have access to) surgeries that would change their body. Lastly, there are a variety of other ways transgender people transition besides sex re-assignment surgery.
Sex change operation: Preferred terms are sex re-assignment surgery (SRS) or gender-affirming surgery.
Shemale: An offensive term for a transgender woman, especially one who has had medical treatment for her breasts, but still has a penis. This term may be used by sex-workers or within the porn industry.
Tranny (sometimes referred to as the T-word): While some transgender people use the word tranny to describe their gender, most find it highly offensive — a derogatory slur.
Transgendered: Adding -ed to the end of transgender isn’t grammatically correct. You wouldn’t say that someone is gayed, womaned, or Latinoed. Similarly you wouldn’t call someone transgendered.
Transsexual: An older term for people whose gender identities don’t match the sex that was assigned at birth and who desire and/or seek to transition to bring their bodies into alignment with their gender identities. Some people find this term offensive, others do not. Only refer to someone as transsexual if they tell you that’s how they identify.
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